Knights of the Round Table
by RaspberryGirl
Summary: When Princess Adelina is kidnapped by an ogre, it's up to two rival knights, Tai & Matt, to save her. On their separate journeys, they encounter a slew of fairy tale characters who make their quests and their lives absolutely miserable. Taiora. Mimato.
1. Princess Perfect

Disclaimer: Digimon and all fairy tales used in this fic do not belong to me.  
  
Author's Note: I decided to take a break from serious writing and do a little bit of humor. And hopefully, this _will_ make you laugh. Also, my apologies to those who hate the Digimon dub. The story is AU, but I decided to use the English first names because they sounded more "European."  
  
**Knights of the Round Table**  
  
By: RaspberryGirl  
  
Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a king. His name was Cornelius and besides being a king and a bit of a drunkard, he wasn't much of anything else.

Now, King Cornelius had a beautiful—or so they said—daughter who was the heir to his fair kingdom. The princess was so beautiful that if _any_ man saw her, he would instantly fall in love with her and do anything to win her hand in marriage.

Fearing for his daughter's well-being—or perhaps the king just wanted to make certain that the princess's future husband would be rich, handsome, and undoubtedly a prince— Cornelius shut his six year old daughter in a tower for ten years. A righteous and selfless decision, everyone thought, for wasn't that what kings always did to princesses?

Most certainly.

-------------

"Daughter!" The sound of thundering feet on stairs shook the tower. "Daughter! Come out and show yourself to your old father!" The door to the tower chamber burst open, and in stumbled King Cornelius, red faced from drinking wine all morning. "Daughter!" The king scanned the room, swaying dangerously. The chamber was round and small, empty except for a simple bed, a full-length mirror, and a chair in which the princess sat. An old woman—the nurse—stood by the girl.

"Why, Father, how you've changed since I last saw you," said the princess, her back to the king.

"It's been ten years, girl!" the king roared. He hiccuped and staggered a bit. "Men age you know, unlike women. We don't have time to dally with our faces and apply...whatever it is that you apply to keep it pretty."

"I apologize if I have insulted you, my lord," said the princess demurely.

But King Cornelius did not seem to hear. "Turn around, turn around! Let me look at you, there's a good lass."

Obediently, the princess turned.

"My word!" cried the king. "How pretty you are! E-even under that veil. My eyesight fails...I cannot see you too clearly. It must be the radiance of your beauty blinding me."

"You flatter me, lord father," said the princess.

King Cornelius shook his head vigorously. "Of course I'm not. This is very good, indeed. Come, you must prepare for the wedding at once. The prince is going to be so pleased!" With another hiccup, the king left the room.

The princess turned to the old woman beside her, the stiff self- composure and the formality in her voice gone. "A wedding? What wedding?"

"Don't you know, my dear?" said the nurse. "The king plans to marry you to a wealthy prince this very day! It's been the talk of the kingdom for months!"

"Months?" The princess toyed nervously with her silk handkerchief. "Then why was I the last to know?" She sniffed daintily and dabbed at her eyes beneath the veil. "I don't want to marry a loathsome prince!" the princess burst out. "I don't want to!"

"There, there," the nurse chided. "A prince is not so bad. They're wealthy, they're powerful, and most of the time they're extremely handsome. So what's there not to like?"

The princess sighed. "You don't understand." She turned away from the old woman. "Leave me. I—I wish to be alone."

"As you wish." The nurse glanced at the girl for another moment before leaving the room and closing the door behind her firmly.

When the nurse was gone, the princess stood and walked to her full- length mirror. It was very beautiful; the surface shone like diamond and the frame was precious silver.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?"

There was a stir in the glass. The reflection of the princess contorted, and it showed the face of a girl with long brown hair. "_She is...she is..._" whispered the mirror. "_She is the fairest of them all..._"

The princess glared at the mirror from underneath her veil. "Tell me, what is her name?"

But the mirror only repeated those infuriating words again, mockingly, "_She is...she is...she is the fairest of them all_."

The princess shrieked, and the image in the mirror disappeared. "Worthless piece of glass!" She made to kick it, but then thought better. "Nurse!" she called instead, trying to calm herself. "I will do as my father wishes. Help me prepare for my wedding."

A young man made his way through the crowd of wedding guests. He was the very image of the perfect knight—young, tall, and handsome. He wore a long, green tunic over a white shirt and brown boots. His hair was the color of gold, and his eyes were the shade of the sky. His name was Matt, the eldest son of Lord Ishida. Although Matt was only eighteen, he was already a knight of King Cornelius's Table. The "Round Table," they called it, a group consisting of the most prestigious warriors in all the kingdom.

Ever since Matt had been a squire, he'd heard of and had longed to see the beautiful and mysterious princess of King Cornelius's castle. "She is the most beautiful creature in all the world," everyone claimed. "Brighter than the sun, fairer than the moon, and more glorious than heaven's stars."

Squeezing through, Matt managed to get a spot at the front of the crowd, close to the low, white podium with the flower-laced arch where the bride and groom were supposed to stand. Horns sounded, signifying the beginning of the wedding. Out of the corner of his eye, Matt caught sight of someone. This young man was just as young, tall, and handsome as Matt, except for the fact that his eyes and hair were dark chocolate brown.

It was someone Matt knew—and disliked.

"Well, well, well," Matt said, striding over. "If it isn't Tai."

The brown-haired young man saw Matt, and his expression turned sour. "And if it isn't Matt of Ishida. Still too good for yourself, I see."

The young man called "Tai" was also the eldest son of another noble family, the Yagamis. He was also a knight of the Round Table. It was rather peculiar that Matt and Tai were rivals when they had so much in common.

"Why are you here?" Tai asked flatly.

Matt snorted. "To attend the princess's wedding, of course." He glanced at the boy next to Tai. "I see you've brought your squire."

"At least I have one," Tai retorted.

"Good for you, but I don't _need_ one," Matt replied. "I can take care of my own horse and weapons."

Tai glared. "You're just an old, overbearing, unsociable piece of flesh, that's all."

Matt clenched his fist. "I'm the same age as you," he managed through gritted teeth.

"But you're still overbearing and unsociable."

Forcefully, Matt made himself turn away before he was tempted to punch Tai in the face. He kept on walking and didn't stop until he was a safe distance from the other knight.

Tai smirked as he watched Matt's retreating back. He had won this round of verbal jousting. "Davis," he said to his squire, "what's with that stupid expression on your face?"

"Th-that man called 'Matt', " Davis stammered. "He looked ready to tear your eyes out."

"I'm sure he would if he had the chance."

"Yes," Davis agreed, "and I'm only glad that he was going for you, not me."

"You're a coward, Davis," Tai muttered. "You're supposed to stand up for your master."

"Master?" Davis asked innocently. "When a man like that wants your throat, I have no master. If he comes after you, I'm running in the opposite direction."

Tai was about to answer, but then shut his mouth because he realized the princess was about to make her entrance in the wedding ceremony. The king and the bridegroom had already made their way to the flower-laced arch. Tai leaned forward eagerly. He wanted to see just how beautiful King Cornelius's daughter was. And just because she was getting married didn't mean she was unavailable.

Horns blasted through the air a second time and a white-clad figure appeared at the end of the walkway to the left of Tai. A slim girl in a flowing white gown walked slowly towards the podium. Two young girls wearing wreaths of fresh flowers in their hair held the long train of the princess's dress. Two other girls walked ahead of the bride, showering the princess's path with flower petals.

Tai was sorely disappointed when he realized the princess wore a bridal veil.

"No one, except maybe the king, has seen the princess's face," Davis muttered. "So where'd the notion that the princess is 'fairer than all the world' come from?"

Tai shrugged. "There has to be _some_ truth to it...I hope."

Just as the princess was about to ascend the podium steps, a loud noise like clapping thunder echoed through the air. Tai looked up at the sky, wondering if a storm had gathered. But no, the sky was perfectly clear. The noise sounded again and this time, the ground shook.

Someone screamed.

It was then that it occurred to Tai that something had gone terribly wrong.

"Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!" some idiot shrieked repeatedly, as if the first time wasn't enough.

More screams echoed through the crowd as the air rumbled again, louder.

The monster appeared in another moment, and the crowd finally began to scatter and run for their lives. The ogre was huge—as tall as ten grown men—and ugly. It had bushy eyebrows the color of coal and a shapeless nose. The creature's hair was coarse and tangled and the occasional zit dotted its dirty, flabby face.

As the ogre approached, you could almost hear the layers of skin and fat rolling and shifting. The creature wore a sleeveless shirt and breeches that only reached to its knees. How the thing had managed to get enough cloth to cover its body was beyond Tai.

"It's after me!" cried a voice, rising above the sea of noise. It was the bridegroom. "Keep it away! Keep it away!"

"Tai! _Sir_ Tai!" It was Davis, shouting his name. He pointed frantically at the ogre. "Do something!"

"M-me?" Tai squeaked.

"You're a knight, darn it, so get rid of that thing! That's under your job description, isn't it?"

"It is?" Tai wondered where Matt was. Maybe Matt would do something about the monster before Tai was forced to take action. Knights, Tai had fought plenty; but creatures of magic, he had never encountered before.

As the crowd fled, including the king and the bridegroom prince, the princess was left alone on her podium. Being of royal blood and female, the only sensible thing she could think of to do was fall on her knees and clutch the floor, screaming uncontrollably. Her cries were sharp and piercing, the loudest Tai had ever heard. They could probably hear her over in the next kingdom.

Naturally, this drew the ogre's attention.

With a curious grunt, it reached out a large hand and grabbed the princess by the waist. As it lifted up its arms, you could see the dark hair that grew from its armpits. Tai was vaguely aware of one of the court ladies fainting. With one step, the ogre crushed the podium to bits. Its feet were huge and hairy and smelled of something rotten.

Stupidly, the ogre stared at the veiled princess, a bit of drool coming from its mouth. "P-princess," it said. Its voice was low and had a bit of a lisp. "P-p-pretty. Me like."

The princess screamed louder.

By this time, they could probably hear her in the next seven kingdoms.

The ogre began to grin like a fool. It turned to leave with the princess gripped in its hand.

"Wait, wait!" the girl cried. "Before you kidnap me, could you please fetch my mirror?"

The ogre looked slightly confused, as if it didn't understand her words. Finally, it said, "Where?"

"In the tower, over there," the princess said, pointing.

The ogre took a few steps and reached the tower in seconds. "Here?"

"Yes," said the princess. She seemed to have calmed down. "Now, if y—"

The ogre reached out and smashed through the tower wall. A wave of dust rose up and chunks of rock tumbled down from the wreckage. Sloppily, it reached inside the tower and drew out the gilded mirror. "This what pretty girl want?"

"Yes, yes, wonderful!" The princess clapped her hands together in delight. "Now you can resume kidnapping me."

"P-pretty," the ogre mumbled. "Me like."

It thundered off with the princess while everyone else looked on in shock.

"My daughter!" King Cornelius sputtered finally. His moustache and beard quivered. "It...it made off with my daughter!" His face began to take on a livid color.

"Thank goodness it was her and not me." The prince looked greatly relieved.

Quicker than expected, the king got to his feet and staggered over to the bridegroom. "Go and rescue my daughter," he said in a voice that was almost sober. "_Now_."

The prince looked startled. "Me? A prince. Fight _that_ thing? You've got to be joking." He let out a strangled laugh. "I'm much too handsome."

"If you won't do it, then who will?" the king demanded. He glared. "Stop smirking, fool, or else I'll put a permanent dent in your face." The king held up a shaking finger. "Look, if my daughter isn't rescued, you have no wife. No princess means no wife, which means _no kingdom_."

"Eh?" The prince perked up. Looking cross, he said, "Fine, if you put it that way...I'll arrange for one of my knights to fetch her."

"But you're the prince!" King Cornelius burst out. A spray of spit hit the bridegroom in the face. "You're supposed to do the rescuing! The rules of chivalry..."

"The rules of chivalry also say that knights can do the rescuing," the prince objected. He wiped his cheek in a disgusted manner. "I never did like those stupid rules anyway." The prince smiled coyly. "Look at it this way, Father, if we never see the princess again, at least you've gained a son."

"I'm not your father," said the king.

The prince shrugged. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must be going. Look at what all the excitement has done to my hair." He patted his long glossy brown locks. "I have such fine hair, don't you think?"

"That isn't the point." The king glowered. "I might as well send one of my own knights after my daughter. They're probably better than your knights anyway, and who knows when you'll send one after the princess."

Tai heard this last comment. A chance to rescue the princess..."Your Majesty!" he cried excitedly. "I'd be happy to do it!"

Unfortunately, Matt had said the same thing at the same moment.  
  
Author's Note: Haha, was it funny? And just for the record, the prince is extremely vain, and not...anything else. Please give me your thoughts and comments!


	2. A Shard of Glass

*Disclaimer: Digimon and all fairy tales used in this fic do not belong to me.

****

Knights of the Round Table

By: RaspberryGirl

Matt glowered at Tai. "I said _I _will rescue the princess. Why do you always copy what I say?" 

"I did not—" began Tai. 

"You can both go," King Cornelius cut in. "How very kind of you both to offer. You may begin your quest at once. Go forth and rescue Princess…Princess…" He looked at one of his advisors. "What was her, er, name again?" 

"Her Royal Highness," said the king's advisor in a formal voice, "Princess Adelina Constance Josephine Mona—" 

"I asked for one name, not a hundred," the king snapped. He turned back to Tai and Matt. "Yes, go forth and rescue Princess Adelina. If only I had something of the princess's to give you two as a token of good luck on the journey…" 

"Your Majesty!" The princess's nurse cried excitedly. The old woman rushed through the crowd. "Your Majesty, I have just the thing!" 

The old woman approached the two knights and pressed a piece of cloth in each of their hands. "It's the princess's handkerchief. How lucky that I was carrying two of them with me. She embroidered them herself."

"A fine token!" The king cried. "There is no way the two of you can fail now! Away! And good luck to both of you!"

"Yes, Your Majesty," Tai and Matt said in unison. Both bowed deeply, but when the king looked away, they glared daggers at each other. 

***

After putting on some chain mail and a few pieces of light armor, Tai and Davis rode out to the castle courtyard only to discover that Matt was already there. The blonde-haired knight was astride a gray stallion and surrounded by many of the court ladies. Many giggled flirtatiously or batted their eyelashes at him. No one noticed Tai. 

"Let's turn around," Tai said angrily to Davis, swinging his horse in the opposite direction. "I don't want to be where he is." 

"But," Davis protested, "how else are we going to leave the castle? There's only one front gate and entrance."

"One entrance, but many exits," Tai corrected. "We can leave through the back across the meadow where the wedding was. I think Matt is going to go east, so let's go south, then." 

"But shouldn't we try to follow the ogre?" asked Davis. 

"We are," Tai announced. "At least, I _think_ south is the direction the ogre headed. As long as we go in that direction first, we don't have to worry about our perfect knight-in-shining-armor over there. If we run into Matt somewhere along the way, we can say he followed us. You can be my witness." 

Davis wanted to comment on how childish Tai was behaving, but he swallowed his words. Instead, he said, "Tai, there aren't any other exists that can let a horse and rider through besides the main entrance. We still have to go out through the front gate." 

"What?" With a jerk, Tai swung his horse around once more. "Why didn't you tell me earlier, you dolt?" Tai spurred his horse and charged past Matt and the crowd of ladies, riding swiftly across drawbridge. Davis followed close behind. 

Once outside, Tai turned left and rode around the castle wall until he reached the meadow in the back. It was then that he realized the princess's tower also happened to be located on this side of the castle. 

"That ogre really did some damage," Tai observed, staring up at the remnants of the tower. "There's a hole the size of Matt's bloated head up there. Oh well, no use looking. Let's ride on." 

But there was no reply from Davis. 

Tai turned around to see what the squire was doing. The boy had gotten off his horse and was digging through the rubble of the tower. 

"What do you think you're doing?" Tai demanded. 

"I thought I saw something," Davis muttered. "Something shiny…" 

Tai sighed. "This is no time to look for pretty trinkets. You're fifteen years old for God's sake. How can you call yourself a man with this kind of girly behavior?" 

"You sound like my father," Davis muttered. After rummaging for a few more moments, he suddenly exclaimed, "I found it!" 

"If it's anything that belongs to the princess, let me keep it," Tai called. He got off his horse and strode over to Davis. "Well? What is it?" He squinted at the glowing thing in the squire's hands. 

"I think it's a piece of glass," Davis said. 

"Glass?" Tai snatched the shiny object from Davis. It _was _a shard of glass—no bigger than Tai's palm. It gave off a strange silvery glow. 

"What a waste of time," Tai complained. "I told you not to look through rubbish." Carelessly, the young man tossed the shard aside. 

"Ow!" said a voice. "Watch where you throw me, you nincompoop." 

"What? Did you say something just now, Davis?" Tai frowned. 

"Huh?" The boy looked confused. "No, I didn't say anything." 

"Yes, you did," Tai insisted. "I heard you. If it wasn't you, then who was it? Don't tell me you think I hear random voices in my head." 

"It was me," the voice said again. "Me." 

Tai stared at Davis. Somebody had spoken again, but it couldn't have been the squire because his lips had never moved. Tai grabbed the boy by the shirtfront. "All right, what lame tricks are you up to now? How did you do that?" 

"It wasn't me," Davis stammered. "I already told you. May-maybe it was that shard of glass…"

"The shard?" Tai scoffed. "Glass can't talk." 

"Of course I can," said the voice. "You really are stupid." 

Tai dropped the mirror shard with an alarmed yelp. The knight dropped to his knees and searched the ground for the piece of glass. When he found it, he snatched it up in his hands, staring. "Talk," he ordered. 

"You're a moron," said the shard. 

Once more, Tai cried out in astonishment, but managed to hold on to the glass shard with trembling hands. "How did you do that?" He looked at his squire and shoved the bit into the boy's hands. "Here, you hold it. I don't want to touch it anymore." 

"Be careful with me," the glass warned. "If she finds even a chip in me, she'll be furious. And she'll be mad enough already when she finds out that stupid ogre cracked her mirror." 

"Who is 'she'?" Davis asked. 

"Why, the princess, of course," exclaimed the shard as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. There was a brief silence, as if it were thinking. "I suppose I should introduce myself," it finally said, "or else you two nitwits will never figure it out." The glass put on a fake, overly bright voice, "Hi, hello, I'm a shard from the princess's magic mirror." 

"_Magic _mirror?" repeated Tai incredulously. 

"You got a problem?" the shard said coldly. 

"As a matter of fact, I do. Magical creatures like you are all evil," announced Tai. 

"Humans are all stupid," the mirror piece retorted. 

Tai's temper flared, his patience was beginning to run out. "Maybe if you were cracked a bit, you wouldn't be talking so snidely now," he threatened. 

"Be careful what you say, boy," the glass warned. "I can turn you into a toad for that remark."

"You can?" Davis asked with interest.

"Well…if you come right down to it…no," the shard admitted. 

"Then what _can_ you do?" questioned the squire. 

"Answer riddles and the like, I suppose." 

"That's what wisemen are for," Tai snapped. 

The mirror shard ignored the remark. Instead, it spoke to Davis. "Unfortunately, my power fades if I am separated from the rest of myself for too long. So if you would please return me to the mirror, you have my gratitude. And I'm sure the princess will be delighted as well." 

"We're on a quest to rescue the princess," Davis told the glass. "But we don't know where to find her." 

"That's not a problem," said the shard cheerfully. "I can give you directions." 

"You mean, you _know_ where the princess is?" interrupted Tai. 

"Certainly," said the shard. "I _am_ a piece of a magic mirror. Of course I would know where the rest of me is. The magic that keeps the mirror whole calls to me." It began speaking to Davis again. "Now, if you would kindly take me…"

"Oh no, you don't," said Tai. "I'm coming along, too. After all, I'm the knight. I do the rescuing." 

"_You're_ a knight?" The mirror piece burst out laughing. 

"Maybe we should give it a name first…" Davis mused before Tai could say anything else. 

Tai gave an exasperated sigh. "Why should we give it a name? It's not a pet. What's wrong with just calling the thing 'it,' or 'hey you, piece of glass,' or—" 

"You can call me 'Shard'," said the mirror piece more to Davis than to Tai. 

"Well, that's original," Tai muttered. 

"Where can we find the princess?" asked Davis. 

"Travel until you reach a pass between two mountains," said Shard. 

"And…" Tai prompted expectantly. "And…?" 

"And I can't tell you the rest," finished Shard with a laugh in its voice. 

"Okay, that's it," Tai said, glowering. "You're going to be in a hundred pieces in just a few moments." 

"Wait," Davis said, "maybe it has its reasons." 

"What reasons?" exploded Tai. "It's only a piece of glass! It has no reason."

"Humph," said Shard. "As it turns out, the squire is quite right, actually. I can only give you one part of the directions only after you've done a heroic act."

"What idiot made up that rule?" shouted Tai. "Do you know how hard 'heroic acts' are to carry out?" He looked angry. "You could have given us a longer part of the directions. And next time, maybe a little more detail would help!" 

"Stop complaining and get going," said the mirror piece. "Ah, it feels good to be able to say whatever you want, instead of answering the princess's incessant question over and over again."

All of sudden, Tai reached out and brushed some imaginary dust off of Davis's shoulder. "There," said the knight. "A heroic act." 

Shard snorted. "That does not count. Unfortunately for you, the acts have to be done out of the heart. Now get moving!" 

"Great," Tai said. "A knight, his squire, and a crazy shard from a magic mirror. Now that's a fine start to our wonderful adventure, isn't it?" 

__________

For many days, Tai and Davis traveled across the land. They passed green pastures, yellow fields, sleepy villages, and bustling towns. At last, on the seventh day, the land began to grow rocky and soon, mountains sprung into view. Tai and Davis traveled up a mountain road until late in the afternoon when they stumbled upon a rugged mountain pass. 

"This is it, I guess," Tai said. "The first mountain pass we've come across." He stared. The pass was nothing he had expected. Steep, jagged mountains rose up on both sides, leaving only a narrow bit of space in between for a horse and rider to go through.

"If Matt tried to get through, I bet he'd get stuck," Tai muttered. He turned back to his squire. "I'll go first, Davis. You follow." Hesitantly, the brown-haired knight approached the pass. He shivered. There was something very eerie about this place. The air had suddenly turned cold and there was a stale, almost putrid smell about the area. 

Even Tai's horse had become skittish—not a very good sign at all. 

As Tai urged his mount forward cautiously, he felt as if he were being watched. His eyes wandered to his right

"It's a cave!" Tai heard Davis exclaim. 

Tai started, realizing that the squire's words were true. What he had thought was a cast shadow from the other mountain was really the huge mouth of a looming cave. A curtain of thick moss and tangled ivy concealed most of the opening. 

"Tai, I have a bad feeling about this," Davis said uneasily. "Haven't you noticed it smells like fire and sulfur here? And look at the mountain sides. They're all scorched. I think we should ask Shard—"

Just then, something crunched inside the cave. Both Tai and Davis froze. The squire's face went pale. "There's definitely something in that cave," he whispered. 

"It was a bat," said Tai shakily, trying not to look scared. "Bats live in caves." 

More noises trailed out from the cave mouth, as if something large and bulky were moving in there. There was the sound of something scratching against rock floor. Something that sounded like scales. 

"It's a lizard," said Tai. 

"I don't think—" began Davis when a hiss pierced through the air. 

"It's a snake, then," Tai laughed. "A snake." But his voice trembled. 

Something screeched within the darkness of the cave. It was a sound that Tai had never heard before—a cry that sounded like the combined voices of all the vicious beasts in the world trailing off into a falcon-like scream. 

"Snakes don't shriek like that," whispered Davis. 

A green sheen flashed near the cave entrance. A moment later, the creature emerged. It hissed menacingly as it prowled out of its cave, keeping low to the ground. But even then it towered above Tai and Davis. Its body was serpentine, covered with scales that shone and glinted from emerald green to purple lavender. It had long, knife-like claws that glowed brighter than silver. Enormous, leathery wings protruded from its shoulders. Its head was narrow with a long snout and sharp, pointy teeth. Yellow, slit-pupil eyes watched Tai and Davis shrewdly. 

"That most definitely is not a snake," was all Davis could say. 

The creature opened its mouth and spoke in a rumbling voice. "No one may pass." 

Tai began to back away. "I swear, Davis, that diabolical mirror piece is conspiring to kill us all."

"No one may pass," the dragon boomed again. It smiled cruelly. "And no one ever has."


	3. The Riddling Dragon

*Disclaimer: Digimon and all fairy tales used in this fic do not belong to me.

**Knights of the Round Table**

By: RaspberryGirl

The dragon stood up to its full height, stretching its massive wings. Its huge scaly body filled up the entire space between the two mountains and completely blocked the entrance to the mountain pass. Tai gulped as the dragon eyed him hungrily. "N-now, wait just a m-moment." Tai's voice shook violently with fear. "C-couldn't we make some s-sort of compromise?"

"Compromise?" the dragon sneered. "And trust you, a puny human, not to go back on your word? I don't think so." 

"B-bad experience with h-humans, I see." Tai forced a fake laugh. 

"I really wouldn't know," the dragon said smoothly. "Humans are fickle little things. I was never stupid enough to take a chance with one. As a matter of fact, I've eaten every single human who has stumbled across my lair." The dragon crouched down so its head was almost level with Tai's. The young knight had the sinking feeling that it was appraising him—estimating how much of a meal he would make. 

"Is that s-so?" From the corner of his eye, Tai quickly glanced back at Davis to see if the squire had come up with a plan to get them out of this mess. But as far as the knight could tell, Davis had come up with nothing. 

Beads of perspiration began trickling down the side of Tai's face. His shirt and tunic clung to him. He wished the dragon would move back a few hundred paces and give him some room to breathe. The creature's unblinking yellow eyes were making Tai's head spin, and the dragon's foul breath wasn't much help, either. 

"Trust me on this one," Tai babbled. The thick air and the smell of smoke were probably making him stupid. "My squire and I taste very bad."

"That's what they all say," the dragon snickered. "But they've all turned out delicious." It grinned, showing a row of pointy teeth. "Humans are so amusing when they lie. One can always see right through it."

"No, no, believe me. You don't want to eat us," Tai insisted. "We'd probably give you indigestion."

"You'd be surprised at what my stomach can handle," the dragon answered. Its spiky tail flicked restlessly. "Enough talk. I'm getting hungry. In fact, the more you make me talk, the hungrier I'm getting." The dragon leaned closer so that it's mouth was level with Tai's head. "Don't be afraid. The pain won't last long." The creature's forked tongue flicked out across its lips. "Or perhaps I'll start with your squire first to spare you a few more moments of life." 

Tai couldn't believe what was happening. He and Davis had barely begun their journey and now they going to end up as dragon chow—all thanks to that smart-mouthed shard of glass. 

_Curse you, you good-for-nothing piece of garbage_, Tai thought miserably. _I hope a warty witch finds you and turns you into a hand-mirror so you'll have to reflect her ugly face for the rest of eternity._

Or better yet, maybe the dragon would accidentally eat Shard and the glass would slit the sorry creature's throat open as it was being swallowed.

But counting on _his_ luck, Tai doubted that would happen. 

"Any last words?" The dragon flexed his claws. 

"Er" Tai stammered. "That is"

"Actually, since you askedyes," came Davis's voice. 

Tai turned around, giving Davis a quizzical look, but didn't interrupt the squire. 

"I've heard that dragons are excellent at solving riddles," Davis began. He gave the dragon a challenging look. "Right?"

The dragon scowled. "So what if dragons are good with riddles? What are you trying to get at, boy?" 

"All I'm saying," Davis explained patiently, "is that wouldn't your fellow dragons laugh at you if they found out that you were picking off helpless humans?"

The dragon looked annoyed. "What do you mean helpless'? You're a squire. Your master's a knight. Knights always ride off on dragon-slaying, maiden-saving quests while dragons sit around in their lairs waiting for a stupid knight and squire to stumble by so we can make a meal out of them. That's what dragons do. It's called the food chain.' " 

"Exactly!" Davis cried. "Dragons eat knights, but when they do, they always _win _the privilege! You know, through a contest or something." 

"Is that what you're suggesting?" the dragon asked suspiciously. "A contest?" 

"Certainly," Davis said cheerfully. "That way, the next time you invite your fellow dragons over for—oh, I don't know—a little tea party or something, you can tell them—with pride, of course—that you ate a human you _outsmarted_."

"But what if the human was actually really stupid?" the dragon complained. "You know, one of those village idiots who can't even tell the difference between a cow and themselves."

"But your fellow dragons wouldn't know that," Davis pointed out. 

"True" The dragon thought about Davis's suggestion for another moment before saying, "Fine! Let's have this contest! There's no way you humans can win anyway."

Davis only smiled. 

Hands still trembling slightly, Tai turned his steed and pulled it next to Davis's. The knight glared at the squire. "Just what do you think you're doing?" Tai whispered fiercely. There was no way Davis had come up with this plan by himself. Shard had probably thought it up, otherwise, Davis wouldn't look so confident. 

"Trust me," Davis whispered back. 

Tai didn't like this at all. 

To the dragon, Davis said, "I get to pick what contest. And I choose a riddling game." 

"Fine," the dragon agreed. "But _I _get to ask the questions." 

"All right." Davis shrugged indifferently. "You get to ask three riddles. No tricks, no cheating, no nothing. If you win, meaning if we get all three questions wrong, you can eat us—horses and all. But if Tai and I get even _one _question right, you lose. And what that means iswell, both Tai and I, the horses, the equipment, everything that came with us goes with us—_unharmed_. Agreed?" 

"Agreed," the dragon muttered. 

"And no going back on your word," Tai added. 

"Just as long as you don't go back on yours," the dragon retorted. 

"Fine. Let's begin," Davis announced.

The dragon smirked. "First riddle: What is round and orange?"

"Hey, what's the big idea?" Tai complained. The stupid dragon was acting just like Shard. "What kind of question is that? Can't you be a little more specific?" 

"No," the dragon said curtly. "Either you give an answer or forfeit this question." 

Davis nudged Tai with his elbow. "Just play along," he said in a low voice.

"Last time," the dragon announced impatiently. "What is round and orange?" 

"Uman orange!" Tai blurted. 

The dragon snickered. "Wrong. The answer is the sun'."

"The_ sun_?" Tai repeated incredulously. "How can you even look at the sun long enough to see what color it is? Or even to know that it's round? Maybe it's oval! You're an idiot, your poor mother must be so ashamed!" Tai broke off his angry words to gasp for breath. 

"Humph. And you're about to become my lunch if you don't shut up right now." The dragon narrowed its eyes. "Next question: Is the world round or flat?" 

Davis grabbed Tai's arm and covered the knight's mouth before he could answer. "Ahem." Davis gave Tai a look that said, _Shut up if you want to live to see tomorrow_.

"Okay, listen," Tai heard Shard whisper to Davis. "The answer to that riddle is—"

"Flat," Davis answered confidently. "The world is flat." 

"_No, fool_!" Shard screamed. 

"Wrong again," the dragon said smugly. 

"_What_?" Tai wrenched free from Davis's grasp. "That can't be right!"

The dragon laughed. "You humans are so ignorant. In another four hundred years or so, you'll find out that the world is actually round and not flat like you think." 

"What are you talking about?" Tai exploded. He was ready to charge at the dragon and kick it in the shin. "Of course the world is flat! Everyone knows the world is flat! It's like asking what color dirt is and you saying it's pink when everyone knows it's brown!" 

"Yes, well," the dragon said calmly, "it was your squire's idea to play this little game. It's not myfault I'm winning. Come now, don't be sore losers." 

"We haven't lost yet," Davis reminded. "You still have one more riddle to ask." 

"And this time," Tai added in a low voice, "let's discussit before either of us blurt out an answer. We are playing for our lives here."

"By the way," Shard interrupted, sounding cranky, "our scaly friend here is quite right. The world _is _round. Like a ball. If you two bumbling morons had bothered to let me tell you, maybe you'd have gotten that question right." 

Davis sighed. "Shard's got a point. After all, answering questions was what it was created for."

"This time, think before we speak," Tai agreed. 

"Ready?" the dragon gazed at the knight and squire eagerly. "Okay, the third and last riddle: What is my name?" 

Tai and Davis exchanged glances. Then they both gazed quickly at Shard in the pouch. 

"What are you two looking at?" The dragon sounded suspicious. "No cheating, remember?"

"We're not," Davis insisted. 

"We're thinking," Tai put in. 

The dragon snorted. "Well? Hurry up with the answer, can't you?" 

"What do we do?" Davis whispered to Tai. "The thing is keeping a close eye on us now. We can't open the pouch flap and see what Shard says." 

"Hmmlet me think," Tai suddenly shouted. "What can your name be?" 

Amazingly enough, Davis got Tai's message. "Shard," Davis whispered quickly and urgently. "What's the dragon's name?" 

"Your namelet's seeI say, this certainly is an excellent riddle!" Tai continued to holler. 

"Rermperlskin," came the muffled reply. 

"What? Say it clearer!"

"Rumperilskin! Just remember the name of the little man who spun straw into gold!"

"I know!" Tai was continuing on. "Your name must beno, no, that can't be right. How about" 

_The man who spun straw into gold?_ Davis was pretty sure he'd heard it somewhere before. But what was the name?

_Rupertno, Rumble_

"I know!" Davis cried out. 

"You do?" Tai stopped short of his senseless chatter. 

"It's Rumpelstiltskin!" Davis declared. 

"Drat!" the dragon pouted. "First that ninny-headed peasant girl and now you two! Why do people always get my name right?"

The dragon began to shimmer and its form fell away to reveal an ugly little man with black, beady eyes, a coarse, gray beard, and yellow, rotten teeth. The man stamped his feet indignantly like a child having a temper tantrum. "Curses, I really need to get my name officially changed." He scowled at Tai and Davis. "A plague on you two, but a deal's a deal. You're free to go, and I suggest you'd better run for it before my stomach gets the better of me and I change my mind."

Muttering and grumbling to himself, the little man disappeared. 

"We—we won?" Tai uttered in disbelief. "We actually _won_?"

"I know, it's a miracle," Shard said sarcastically. 

"I half expected him to scream a stream of curses then tear himself in two or something," Davis laughed, "Just like in the story." 

"Maybe he learned something from the first time," Shard offered dryly. "I wonder how long it took him to put himself back together?" 

"What story?" Tai asked, looking confused. 

"Never mind," Davis and Shard said in unison.

"Hey," Davis reminded, "we'd better take the little man's words seriously. Let's get out of here just in case he _does _come back. Next time, we might not be so lucky."

"Right." Tai looked at the narrow mountain pass doubtfully. It seemed even smaller now compared to the bulk of the dragon. "Sodo _you_ want to go first this time, Davis?" 

__________

Matt had decided to travel east since he figured Tai and Davis would go south. The golden-haired knight had been keeping an eye out for any signs of the ogre—or any other ogre for that matter. For many days, Matt had traveled, passing towns and villages, asking the locals if they'd seen or heard of a big, ugly, hairy ogre passing through, carrying a beautiful girl. 

But no one had seen anything of the sort. 

Undaunted, Matt continued on, but he fervently hoped that at least _some_ excitement would come his way. He was even beginning to wish that one of those magical creatures would show itself to him, but after another day of fruitless searching, he still turned up nothing. 

Suddenly, as Matt reached the top of the hilly dirt road, a mass of emerald green sprung up below. 

"A forest," Matt murmured to himself. "This should be interesting." 

Matt spurred his horse forward down the hill. A sign came into view on the side of the road just outside the forest. Matt slowed down his horse to read it. The sign was old and rotting, the wood faded to a bleary gray. The dull words on it read:

**The Greenwood**

_Humans Beware_

_The people of the Greenwood hold no responsibility for any property, animals, or lives lost in the wood_

_Enter at Your Own Risk_

__

_Enter at your own risk'_?The knight stared at the sign curiously. Briefly, he wondered what things the sign was warning humans to be wary of. 

But the thought didn't last long. 

This was his chance for adventure, at long last. With one hand on the hilt of his sword and the other holding the reins, Matt urged his horse cautiously into the Greenwood.


	4. In the Greenwood

*Disclaimer: Digimon and all fairy tales used in this fic do not belong to me.

Author's Note: A rather serious chapter compared to the last one. It's kinda hard to make it funny since Matt's traveling alone. Besides, Matt's such a serious character anyway

**Knights of the Round Table**

By: RaspberryGirl

Matt rode for what seemed like a very long time. The Greenwood rose up like an emerald wall of leaves and bark. The trees were old and wild; their roots gnarled and knotted, the tips of their branches pierced the sky. A canopy of leaves blocked out the sun and only a few rays of light shone into the wood. 

There was no buzz of insects, no echo of the birds' usual twittering. There was no trace of squirrels or quails and not even the slightest hint of deer or boar—the Greenwood was utterly silent except for the occasional sigh of the wind among the leaves.

Matt gripped his sword more firmly. The crude dirt road he was on didn't seem to be very travel-worn and that caused an uneasy flutter in his heart.

The thought of turning back occurred to Matt, but after pondering that option carefully, he decided to keep going; he'd heard too many tales of enchanted woods and the trickery of its magical inhabitants. 

So Matt kept on riding. Tree after tree, the forest seemed never-ending. The sun was still high in the sky—it was probably only afternoon—but to Matt, it seemed like he'd been in the Greenwood for years. 

But perhaps he was lost? Matt didn't think so. As far as he knew, there had only been one road through the wood and he was on it. 

Or maybe the trick was to step _off_ the road. Matt hesitated. Ever since he'd entered the Greenwood, he'd felt like he was being watched. At first, Matt thought it was only his imagination, but the shadows moving and weaving among the trees soon became more clear and definite. Occasionally, the knight would also hear giggling. 

Matt ignored the shadows. But they started talking to him, inviting him to join them. Matt tried harder to drown out the voices, but the deeper and longer he ventured into the wood, the louder and more persistent they got. 

"_Come_"they said. "_Come with us_" Their voices were soft and husky, very much like the breeze rattling the leaves of trees. 

"_You must be getting tired_"

"_Tired_"

"_Rest for a while_"

"_Just a little while_"

Now that he thought about it, Matt _was _getting hungry. And thirsty. He couldn't remember the last time he had stopped—if he had ever stopped—to rest since he'd first set foot in the wood. But the warning on the old sign was still clear in his mind and Matt didn't dare give in. 

"_You are weary_"

"_Your head nods_"

"_Your horse_"

"_It's tired_"

"_You're tired_"

"_Come with us_!"

"_Come_!"

At that moment, the voices showed themselves to Matt. They were slim, ethereally beautiful young women, with long pale hair and silvery-white skin. They were graceful and delicate; their fragility reminded Matt of flowers bending in a spring wind. The women were barefoot and wore white shifts that billowed like a sail when they moved. 

One stretched out her hand. "_Come, young lord! Surely, you can spare a few moments of rest!_"

Another one came up behind the first and said: "_Our sisters have prepared a feast for you_!"

"_A fine feast!_" echoed another.

"_With good wine!_" 

"_Music!_"

"_And dancing!_"

Matt didn't stop, but he considered their offer. The more he listened to their lilting voices, the hungrier, thirstier, and wearier he became. The knight was just about to stop and finally agree to go with them when another sign popped up in front of him. It was written in bright fluorescent paint and it said: 

**Beware of Magical Creatures**

**A reminder for those who have already forgotten:**

1. Do not stray off the road!

2. Do not talk to strangers!

3. Do not eat or drink anything that's offered!

4. Do not feed the animals!

5. Keep riding straight no matter what!

**Next Resting Spot:**

The Cottage of the Seven Dwarves

Remember: stay safe. Tread with caution.

The words were covered with long claw marks as if somebody—or some_thing_—had tried to scratch them out. This didn't help in the legibility at all since the original handwriting was awkward to begin with, but Matt got the message well enough. 

_So that's their game, _Matt thought. _Lure and enchant all humans traveling through the wood. Well, I won't fall into it. _

Matt quickened his horse to a gallop, swiftly leaving the nymph-women behind. In fits of rage, their faces distorted into ugly shadows of their former beauty. They screamed and shrieked, tearing at their hair and stretching their bony hands after the knight. 

Matt didn't even bother to look back.

* * *

After that second sign, Matt never slowed his horse down even to a quick trot. The encounter with the nymphs was too close. Matt just wanted to find the dwarves' cottage, then get out of the eerie wood as soon as possible. 

Matt was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't even notice the two-way fork that split the road ahead. At the last second, Matt's stallion gave a warning whinny, but it was too late. Matt only had time to read _This Way for Peasants and Caravans_ on the left sign and _This Way for Knights and Princes in Disguise _on the right one before he crashed straight into the thick bushes of the Greenwood.

Swearing, Matt pulled desperately at the reins for his horse to slow down. Suddenly, a thick low-hanging branch appeared and smacked him soundly in the head and off his horse. Matt landed heavily on the ground and for a moment the world spun before everything became darkness.

__________

"I say, he's quite a sleeper." 

Someone snickered. "And quite a looker. This is perfect."

Matt awoke to the sounds of murmuring voices. When he opened his eyes, he was half blinded by bright sunlight. Groaning, the knight put a hand to his face. When his eyes finally adjusted to the sunshine, Matt realized that six men were staring down at him peculiarly. All of them had weathered faces, knobby features, thick eyebrows, and bristly beards of varying color. They talked in thin, high-pitched, nasal voices. 

"Look!" one of them cried excitedly. "He's awake! He's—"

"_Shh_!" the one who seemed to be the leader said, putting a finger to his lips. He seemed the eldest of them all and had a neatly trimmed white beard. "Don't startle the lad." He turned his attention to Matt and smiled warmly. "How do you feel?" 

"Fine," Matt mumbled. He realized he was lying in the grass under a tall oak tree. Two or three pillows had been set under his head and a blanket—which was just a bit too short—had been spread over him. 

"I'm glad to hear that. You took quite a nasty knock in the head," the leader said. 

"If we hadn't found you, the _others_ would have," one of the men put in. 

"And you don't want to know what _they_ would have done with you," someone else added. 

Matt put a hand to the spot where the branch had hit him. It still smarted, but the pain had been reduced to a dull throb. "How long have I been here?" 

"Almost a day, lad," the leader answered kindly. "You slept through the night without moving an inch. It's morning now." 

Wincing, Matt pulled himself up and propped himself against the trunk of the tree. "Thank you," he murmured to the men. "Thank you fo—" His words caught in his throat and his eyes widened. "You-you're _dwarves_!"

"Yes." The leader smiled again. "Welcome. I'm called Martin." He pointed to a gruff-looking, black-haired dwarf. "That's John." He gestured to a dwarf with a long beard and spectacles. "He's Richard." Martin waved towards the tallest of the dwarves. "That's Stephen." The hand motioned towards a red-haired dwarf. "Henry." Martin pointed to a dwarf who seemed to be hiding behind John. "The shy one over there is Robert. Ah, and here comes Wort with food and drink now. Wort is also one of us. And I'm dreadfully sorry that you had to sleep outside. We couldn't really fit you through our cottage door." 

"This is the Cottage of the Seven Dwarves?" Matt asked in disbelief. "But how did Iwhat about" He slowed down to explain more clearly. "Before I fell from my horse, I noticed a fork in the roadbut I saw it too late and crashed on ahead into the wood. I remember seeing a sign that told me not to stra—"

"Yes," Martin said. "But it also said to keep going straight _no matter what_. We wrote the signs actually." 

"We were tired of the nymphs getting all the humans," Stephen commented. 

"Here." Wort handed Matt a wooden cup and a plate of bread, cheese, and fruit. This dwarf seemed to be the youngest of the seven with a small chestnut-colored beard. 

Wondering why these dwarves would want human company, Matt took the food gratefully.

The dwarves waited patiently as Matt ate. When he was done, John asked him, "You're a knight, aren't you?" 

"Yes." 

The dwarves huddled together and murmured between themselves. After a few moments, they broke up and John asked, "You don't have a Lady yet, do you?" 

"No."

"Very good, very good!" Martin said cheerfully. "Excellent!"

"What is?" Matt asked, puzzled. Did these dwarves have a sister of some sort they wanted to introduce him to? Matt couldn't help but shudder at the thought. 

"Well," Richard spoke up. "This may seem like a strange story, but it's all true. We swear it." 

The dwarves nodded gravely. 

"All seven of us have lived here in the Greenwood most of our lives," Richard began, "away from the humans. But one night while returning from work, we found a beautiful human girl sleeping in our cottage." Richard then told of how the girl was a royal princess, whose jealous stepmother wanted her dead. The dwarves took pity on the girl and took her in. They provided a roof over her head and food on the table while she cleaned their cottage and cooked the meals. For many months, the princess and the dwarves lived happily in this fashion. But then, the Queen discovered that her stepdaughter was still alive and immediately set out to kill her—twice. Fortunately, during both attempts, the dwarves returned just in time and managed to revive the princess. Furious, the Queen tried a third time and in this last attempt, she succeeded. When the dwarves returned home, they found the princess dead and unable to be revived. 

"She had been killed," Henry said, "by a poisoned apple." 

"And it had been enchanted, there was no doubt," Richard said firmly. "Human magic of the worst sort. We had no antidote for it." 

"We couldn't bear to bury her," Wort picked up. "So we made her a coffin and set her inside." 

"Ah" Matt thought this behavior was a little strange, but made no comment. 

"We decided that the only way for the princess to ever wake up again was for a prince to kiss her," Robert said. 

"It's a classic remedy," added Richard. 

"Would you like to see her?" Stephen asked. It sounded more like a demand than a request. 

"Er" Matt searched for some excuse. "I'mnot a prince." 

"Yes, well, we had _hoped_ the one to wake the princess would be a prince," Martin sighed. "But a knight's just as good, I suppose." 

"You should go take a look," John muttered. "She's still as beautiful and fresh-looking as the day she came here."

"Come," the dwarves all insisted. "Just take a look." 

"We'll go with you," Martin said. "Don't worry. The princess looks like she's asleep, not dead at all." 

"Don't worry," the dwarves assured, and they pulled the reluctant Matt along with them.

Author's Note: Poor Matt. Will he end up with an unwanted bride? And whatever happened to Tai, Davis and Shard? ^^;


	5. Test of the Dwarves

Disclaimer: Digimon and all fairy tales used in this fic do not belong to me.  
  
**Knights of the Round Table**  
  
By: RaspberryGirl  
  
The dwarves led Matt away from the cottage and through the forest. They followed a roughly cut trail out of the wood and arrived at the bottom of a grassy hill.

A thought suddenly occurred to Matt. "Say..." He tried to sound casual. "I wonder what happened to my horse? Did you...er, dwarves ever find one wandering in the wood recently?"

"Oh," John answered. "As a matter of fact, we did. A gray stallion, right? Found it and took care of it while you were unconscious. Figured it belonged to you."

"I see," Matt mumbled. "So where is it now?"

"In the stable at the back of the cottage," replied Wort. "Currently, you don't need it."

Matt decided to shut up and followed the dwarves obediently as they climbed up the gently sloping hill. Just before they reached the top, something shiny caught Matt's eye. As they came closer, Matt realized with astonishment that the object was a beautiful glass coffin. Inside rested a girl—presumably the dwarves' princess.

"There she is," Martin said in a low voice. "The princess. Go on, lad, take a closer look."

Matt took a few steps forward while the dwarves observed the scene from behind him. The coffin was exquisite; made of gold and silver with a lid of transparent glass. On the side of the coffin were inscribed the words:

Snow White  
Our Beloved Princess, May She Rest in Peace

"Snow White?" Matt wondered what mother in her right mind would name their kid that. "That's a strange name."

"Well, it is rather uncommon," Richard agreed. "But it suits her."

"Does it?" Matt asked skeptically. The young knight glanced at the girl inside the coffin and caught his breath.

The girl looked no older than sixteen. Her skin was pale, as white as winter snow. It didn't even look unnatural—like a death pallor, even though she _was_ dead—but more like the delicate paleness of a noblewoman. The girl's cheeks were still rosy, and her lips were still as red as blood. Long, straight hair the color of ebony surrounded the girl's face. The princess's clasped hands rested gently on her breast. In all entirety it really did seem like the girl was in a deep, peaceful slumber rather than death.

"How long has she been dead?" Matt whispered.

"Three months," Henry replied.

"It's a pity," Matt murmured. "I wish there were something I could do."

"But there is," interrupted Richard. "That's why we brought you here."

"Huh?" Then Matt remembered. "Oh right! The kiss thing. So can I?" In his mind, Matt had already convinced himself that waking this princess with a kiss didn't mean he _had_ to marry her. Matt was a knight and he couldn't just walk away when a girl needed his help—especially when the girl happened to be a princess and a very pretty one at that.

"Yes, of course. You may kiss the princess," Martin said, "but first, we would like to ask you some questions."

"Questions?" Matt looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Well," Martin said almost apologetically, "We want the princess to be awakened by someone she could fall in love with. I mean, if we were desperate, we could have just grabbed any common idiot who happened to wander into the Greenwood, have him kiss her, and wake her up."

"But we decided we wanted someone handsome, romantic, and kind for our princess," Richard explained.

"How do you know that I'm 'romantic and kind'?" Matt asked. He left out "handsome" because he figured that was a given. "And how do you know that's the kind of person the princess likes?"

"The answer to your first question is we don't," Martin said patiently. "That's why we're going to ask you a few questions. If the results turn out badly...I wish you good luck with the next princess. But if the results are good, you may kiss her. And as for your second question...before the princess was killed, she talked a lot about her ideal prince so we have a pretty good idea what sort of young man would suit her." Martin gave Matt a smile that seemed too big for the little man's face. "Shall we begin?"

Matt sighed. What harm could there be in answering a few questions? He'd let the dwarves have their fun. "Fine."

"Splendid!" Looking pleased, Martin reached into a hidden pocket of his vest and pulled out a pair of spectacles and a rolled sheet of parchment. "Now," Martin said to the other dwarves, "all of us hereby agree that the questions on this parchment will be the official ones that will determine who can kiss the princess in an attempt to wake her?"

The dwarves crowded around Martin and scanned the questions quickly. Finally, the little men replied, "Yes, yes, these are the ones! Proceed!"

Martin unfastened the tie around the parchment and let the end of the paper drop. The parchment fell to the grass and rolled for two feet or so before stopping. Matt's eyes bulged. He had hoped the questions would only take a short time, but after seeing that list, he'd probably be there all week.

Looking dignified, Martin cleared his throat. "All right. Question number one: what are your two favorite colors?"

"Er...Green and silver," Matt said.

Martin paused and looked back at Richard who seemed to be taking notes of Matt's answers. The little man wrote at a furious pace as if Matt had just spouted some long, philosophical answer. After waiting a few more moments, Martin continued on.

"Question two: what is your favorite fruit?"

"Um, peaches."

"Question three: what feature on a young woman do you find most attractive?"

"I'd say..." Matt searched for an answer. "Eyes."

"Good answer," Martin approved. "Question four..."

And so it went. It was early afternoon when Martin neared the end of the list of questions. By that time, Matt's head was spinning from so many of them.

"Question one hundred and fifty: Do you have a stepmother?"

"No," Matt answered immediately. His mouth was getting dry.

"Question one hundred and fifty-one: If you were a prince and had to punish an evil woman who had harmed your beloved, what would you do?"

"What do you mean?" Matt asked. "Is this multiple choice like question ninety-four: when someone tells you must 'rescue a princess,' what first comes to your mind? A: you must fight a dragon; B: you must fight an evil sorcerer; C: you must find and kiss the princess who is probably in an enchanted sleep; D: you must find and undo the spell cast on the princess that has changed her into some sort of woodland animal; or E: you must keep the princess from marrying an ugly goblin?"

"Yes," Martin answered. "It's like ninety-four. Here are your choices. A: you exile her from the kingdom; B: you cleverly ask the evil woman what punishment _she_ would give to someone who had committed her crime and punish her by whatever she comes up with; C: you make her dance in iron shoes until she drops dead; or D: you do nothing and forget about the evil woman.  
  
"C," Matt said. "C sounds good."

"Good reply. You're almost done, my boy," Martin said encouragingly. "Just a couple more questions."

"Wonderful. Fantastic," Matt rasped. His tongue felt like sandpaper.

"Question one hundred and fifty-two: what's one plus one?"

"Huh?" Matt was caught off guard. "Two?"

"Very good!" Martin beamed. "We had to make sure you had at least some brains. We can't really marry the princess to some village nitwit with no common sense. It's nothing personal, really. Anyway, moving right along..."

_How about you just keep your precious princess and not marry her to anyone—especially not me—so I can get out of here_, Matt thought vehemently.

"Question one hundred and fifty-three: what is one plus five times forty- eight divided by twelve squared?"

"Ah..." Matt tried to see the problem in his head but he couldn't do it. The numbers kept on slipping and moving.

Suddenly, Martin burst out laughing. "Just joking! I got you!" The other dwarves began laughing, too. "That was only a joke!" Martin managed, holding his sides and still choking with laughter. "A joke! Come on, don't look so tense."

Matt stared at Martin. He didn't think that was funny at all.

Wheezing and panting, Martin finally calmed down and his face became serious. "This is it, my boy. You're at the last question. And I must say this is the hardest of them yet. Are you ready?"

"Yes, yes." Impatience shook every corner of Matt's voice.

"The _real_ question one hundred and fifty-three is: Do you think you can love our princess and live with her happily ever for the rest of your days?"

Matt opened his mouth but no answer came out.

"Well?" Martin frowned at Matt's hesitation.

"I...that is...what I mean to say is...." Matt fumbled for the right words.

The seven dwarves eyed him sternly as if daring him to say "no."

"Whatever you answer," Richard said softly, "there is no turning back."

Matt swallowed and took a deep breath. "Yes! I mean, no! Wait, I—" Matt paused and looked down at the grass. "My final answer—and I should have told all of you from the beginning—is...no. I—I can't do it. I can't love Snow White."

There was a shocked silence among the dwarves.

"Wh-what?" Martin sputtered. "Why this all of a sudden? You were so close and yet..." He trailed off. "Why?"

Matt managed a dry laugh. "It wouldn't have settled with my conscience, I guess. Tricking a bunch of dwarves, stealing their princess, having them believe I could love her when I know I can't." The knight stopped to swallow again, trying to gather moisture in his mouth.

Finally, to Matt's relief, Martin signaled for Wort to bring a waterskin to Matt. The knight clutched the waterskin to his mouth and drank ravenously. He didn't stop until every last drop had been emptied.

"Thank you," Matt said, handing the empty pouch back to Wort. He turned to the rest of the dwarves. "I'm sorry."

"That's all right," Stephen said, sighing. "At least you told the truth in the end." The dwarf heaved another great sigh. "And you were doing so exceptionally well on the questions, too."

"I was?" Matt thought he had failed that question thing completely.

"Yes," Martin agreed, "but it's not important now. Let's be off, everyone. Come on, show's over. Let's all get back to the cottage." Martin turned to Matt. "You, as well. After all, you don't want to wander through the Greenwood without a horse, do you?"

That _was_ an unpleasant thought so Matt followed silently after the dwarves. He felt a little guilty, having let the little men down.

But he was sure he had made the right choice.

The dwarves set Matt on his way as soon as the group reached the cottage.

Wort brought out Matt's horse and mumbled his regards to the young knight. The other dwarves said their good-byes to Matt as well. It went something like:

"May good fortune shine on you."

"Better luck with the next princess. Maybe."

"Good luck on your travels, boy. And don't listen to Martin. If you ever change your mind and the princess is still here, you can always come back."

"Have fun on your journey. Don't get yourself killed."

"Make it safely out of the wood. Remember: _don't listen to those annoying fairies_!"

"Yes, about that." Martin pushed his way to the front. "Listen to me carefully. Ride in a straight path through this wood and you'll make it out alive. No matter what signs come up telling you to go left or right, no matter who seems to be beckoning to you, no matter how bad your desires become—never _ever_ listen to the Greenwood!"

"I won't," Matt assured. He mounted his horse. "Well, goodbye."

"Goodbye and good luck," Martin called as Matt flicked the reins. "Oh, I forgot to tell you—don't look back!"  
  
Author's Note: I must confess...I took the name "Wort" from Disney's _Sword in the Stone_. And don't ask me why the rest of the dwarves have such formal names. It sort of...turned out that way.


End file.
